I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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