yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
