This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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