she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
