Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
