god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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