There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where is the hickey?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
