yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I deserve this hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
