When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize