I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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