I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
