im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
