Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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