Soap is not a condiment
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
