They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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