so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
