Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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