Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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