3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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