Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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