I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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