I'm drive I can fine osifer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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