the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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