tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
