Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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