why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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