Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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