i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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