we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
