This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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