I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
