I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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