Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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