My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
