Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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