He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
