True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
