she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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