I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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