I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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