I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
