You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
