it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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