...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
