the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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