Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
