I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
