So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
