Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
