My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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