You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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