Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
