I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
