dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
