i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
