it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
