thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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