Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
