Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
