Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize