if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
