Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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