i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
