soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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