If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
