No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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