We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
