You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
