it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
