oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
