somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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