It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
