Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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