girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
