Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
