Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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