Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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