And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
