I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
