I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
